Learning to Swim in Mud

As you all know my college is tanking. Slowly. Painfully. Taking several jobs with it, including mine. There is a glimmer of a chance of three fourth time employment, but not as the librarian. I'm not going to lie, with the economy, gas prices and lack of open entry level jobs, I find myself asking again:

Is it worth staying in library science?

It's a career I love. I love research, I like helping people and I even enjoy all the silly buzz words. If I ever got o go to a library conference, I'm sure I'd like that too. But I want to be an academic librarian and it just seems like entry level jobs are tough to find, require multiple degrees, languages and skills for very low pay. Who is taking these jobs? Are there really overeducated polyglots who can't see making more the 40k a year?

I want to start writing in this blog again. I think it's important for me to have a free space to blow off some steam and attempt to re-find my funny.

In that vein, I should tell you that I have a group of students in right now, making up songs for first graders. They're busily singing and talking about 'beautiful job charts'. I'm actually going to miss that kind of thing.

And oh, the new season of Project Runway hasn't really caught my attention. I'll watch tonight or one of the reruns, but I'm not feeling it. Everything feels very strained.

Mr. and Mrs.

I know this is petty, but it annoyed the hell out of me today. Granted, I've been a bit more on edge due to my job situation which continues to rest in this limbo of "We feel we can so make a go of it! We just need a kajillion dollars and everything will be fine!" with no explanation of how this money will be gotten and when if we don't get it, I'll unemployed.

So. Yes, my annoyance fuse is shorter, I admit that. I got a call ( at 4pm on my cellphone which I shouldn't have picked up because I didn't recogonize the number, but whatever) and a customer service representive asked:

"Is this Mr. or Mrs.Mylastname?"

Me: No, I'm their daughter, how can I help you?
CSR: They recently got their cable installed with OurCompany and we wanted to be sure they liked it.
Me: Uhhh...my parents got OtherCompany's cable installed a year ago.
CSR: Our records show that the cable was installed last month...
Me: ::light bulb goes off:: No, that is MY service. Why did you ask for Mr. and Mrs.?
CSR: We just go with your last name, that's our policy.

Can we pause here? I mean the conversation went on, but it was stupid and after all they just wanted to know if my cable was hooked up right and did I want to buy anything else.

The year is 2008 is it not? There is only one name on all my bills and it's mine. There is no mister involved. I love Nox and all, but he's neither married to me nor paying my bills, so WTF? Why would your policy be to ask for people that way? It's not like fifty years ago where it was a safe bet that a household contained a married couple.

I know, I know, it's really minor thing, but

1. I was embarrassed because the mix up was also partially my fault. In my defense, my parents use me as a secondary contact for a lot of things.

2. Isn't this post-feminsim? There was a woman's name on that bill. Trust me, my first name is very recognizably female. Why would you tack on the non-existant Mr. Or assume a Mrs? Shouln't the policy be to ask for the bill holder?

3. This isn't the first time this has happened. Not even close. I once had someone insist I put my father on the phone because I couldn't possible be knowledgeable about a phone bill. This just...ugh.

4. This is why I don't drink caffienated beverages any more, aside from few sips of Nox's pepsi at dinner. I just feel....so irritable lately. I'm sick of it, I don't like how I am like this, but I just feel rubbed raw by all this will they or won't they nonsense. I just moved into my apartment and now I'm afraid to buy book cases, because what if I lose my job and need that money for groceries?

Your fed-up, washed out,
CGL

Not Yet Dead

Hey y'all,

I know it's been a while and what with the ghost post previous, it gives an odd apperance. The skinny is basically that my very small library is closing. With an unknown termination date for yours truly. The worst case scenario is end of May. I couldn't talk about it before because I'm not sure how many of my co-workers read this blog ( most likely none) and I was sworn to secrecy.

You'd think with all that in mind, I'd be in a much more tolerant mood with patrons, but you would be wrong.

One of the screwy community patrons has started coming in with alarming regulararty. Let's call her Ann O. Ing for now. Ann works at the co-op that I used to buy lunch in before I realized that HOLYSHITNOMOREPAYCHECKSDOOM meant that I should watch my spending. When she found out that I was the librarian, she started making threats about joining, but that she was too broke to afford the 20 dollar membership fee for non-student members.

But apparently she got the money together and now she is here every goddamn morning. And she wants to be my friend. I don't mind talking to patrons about finding a book, that's my job. But she likes to sit at the table and laugh at whatever she's reading or make 'hmm' noises that are clearly meant for me to engage her in conversation. Here's the problem: I don't care and what's more, I'm working!

Today she used the computer and tried to engage me in a conversation about how scary it was that all her information about her various moves was easily gotten via google. This is of course no revelation to anyone that's been participating in the world for the last ten years. Also, sweetie, you work at a co-op and can't afford a twenty dollar membership fee, NO ONE is trying to steal your identity.

Sorry to be all negative and really, she's the only patron I have that rubs me this way and I know I should be nicer to her. Yet... I know needy people and I've put so much time and energy into being someone that doesn't cave to that neediness. I'm sorry she's lonely, but I'm not an appropriate friend object. I'm here to help you get information, not pass the time.

On a pleasent note, it's off to a sci-fi convention this weekend.

Your bipolar,
CGL

I haz an apartment

When I get everything nice with wall hangings and such, I will post some pictures. For now, I am just grateful to Law and Guitar Hero and omg, my ever loving beautiful Nox. Cause they gots all my shits together and moved in. And then! I got a phone and some sweet sweet dsl.

So I am hooked up, online and ready to fall over.

Catch you on the flipside,
CGL

Go go mr. flippy hair

I'm sort of....ugh. The thing is I didn't much like Rami and while Jillian's sensabilty was interesting, I didn't find it thrilling. So while I don't like Christian, I didn't really have as much invested in the finale as I though I would have at the beginning of the season.

I was thinking about the other winning collections. Remember Jay's awesome headphone themed outfits from season one? Now that was an awesome line. I feel like no one's work was collectivly overpowering or awesome.

Maybe I just have a PR hangover.

Also, I signed my lease. huzzah!

Catch you on the flipside,
CGL

Return of Dots?

So Chris went home. I didn't get to actually see the episode as Nox's cable committed suicide, but televisionwithoutpity is my long and steady friend.

Anyway, in lieu of the fact that PR is ending next week ( good riddance, overall my interest this season declined rapidly), I was thinking of starting yet another pointless weekly ritual to ensure my blog doesn't go the way of the dinosaurs. I just don't think Top Chef will cut the mustard.

Once , many eons ago I made comic. Let's be clear that it was not a well drawn comic and the dialogue has no bubbles and overall it looks sort of like modern art without the thought. But! I sort of loved it.

It's archived, please ignore the hopeful update schedule that never was: Dots!

So my question...is any one interested in seeing more?

Project Runway Finale Predictions

1. Chris will not be the one to show. I just have this feeling. The Draper will continue his curtains on the runway.

2. For the win? I'm going to head towards Jillian, actually. Not because of my loathing for Sir FlippyHair, but just a trend in the show. The young and upcoming talent doesn't win. I'm thinking of Daniel V. here.

3. Someone will cry. ( Maybe they will bring back Ricky for the job).

4. People from another Bravo show will appear. ( The Queer Eye guys used to fill this role?)

We shall see.

In other news, one week til I sign papers that make me officially a renter. Which is good because last night I came home and walked into the bathroom door in my attempt not to wake my parents up. I want to come home and go to the bathroom with the lights on. A lot.

All Our Reunions...

Is there anything sweeter and yet so bitter and hateful as a reunion show?

First, it's really just a time spacer so the editors can throw some stuff together from fashion week ( oh yes, I'm talking about Project Runway again, I know, it's been ages!).

Second..even on my beloved PR where the bitchiness is generally kept to a mild simmer, the potential for drama is so high. It was actually nice to see that the contestants generally didn't rise to the bait, keeping very civil. The only person that looked loathe to be there was Victorya and it probably didn't help that Heidi called her 'uptight' and then brushed her off for the rest of the show. I loved the way they kept cutting to her face, hoping to spur on some drama with her frowns.

Thirdly, Christian....fan favorite? I am of the confused. I'd have taken Chris, Sweet Pea or Eliza in that order. But Christian really? Espeically when Michael Knight, the nicest contestant ever, came out to pass the baton. I digress. I refuse to hate on Christian anymore, less the Pirate come for me.


Fourthly....I don't have a fourthly. Apartment update is that it looks to be a go though I won't be signing anything until the first week in March. My move in date is Sat. March 15th which is great because March 16th is the only Sunday I have to work like all year. Ah timing.

Balls,
CGL

Apartment Watch 2008

So I might actually close on a place if this woman ever gets back to me. The only downside is a two year lease and I want to know what will happen if I have to break the lease to change jobs. We'll see.

It's a beautiful apartment, big living room and bedroom in a huge complex that's very quiet and yet right next to lots of shops and about five-ten minutes from my job. It's all very exciting and filled with shades of possibilities at the moment.

Wish me luck.
CGL

Being Individual in an era of fluidity

Invisible Man Season 1 came up for pre-order on Amazon. Children, I nearly wet myself. And ordered it....with the cheap slow shipping because I like to torture myself!

Also, I discovered a site unveiled my long hidden inner shopper. Etsy is the most addictive thing EVER. It's essentially a place for individual craftsman and women to sell there wares which range over pretty much everything imaginable. I've already bought a new messenger bag, a decoupaged jewelry box and an art print. Anyone that knows me well, knows that I usually don't buy nice things for myself, but this place is addictive. But this site has lots of one of a kind items which I find really appealing.

Between that and something my mother mentioned, I arrived at today's post topic. My mother was reading a book that mentioned the current trend of young knitters. The book theorized that knitting was making a come back because people in my generation ( Y boderlining the Millennials) have a real thirst for things that aren't massed produced. That we want to create things that are unique. Now as a generation we're frequently slammed on both fronts for this sort of thing.

On the one hand, our baby boomer parents are said to have infantilized us, over praised us and over emphasized our 'unique like a snowflake' side. Supposedly, this has made us more narcissistic then previous generations.

On the other hand, growing up in the internet age has supposedly made us more hive-minded and more likely to move along with the crowd. We're also supposed to prefer working in groups rather then on our own.

Like any generalization, there is probably some truth to both ideas. I also think that every generation criticizes the one that follows it since cavemen lived long enough to think that those damn kids were crazy with their new grunts and low hanging leopard skins.

The world is changing thanks to the power of technology. The internet allows greater information (good and bad) dispersal and takes down some of the walls of privacy that has stood for years. It is both easier and harder to be an individual in such a state. I'm not going to argue for or against individuality. In western culture there is great confusion as to whether being one is admirable (great thinkers and artists) or not (he's crazy, she just wants attention). And probably depends a lot on the person in question.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. It's just been on my mind. All I know is that I saw something different and I wanted it. The idea of something crafted and artistic to put on my Ikea furniture was fun and not nearly as expensive as you'd think. I don't want my potential new apartment to look like some crazed hippie artist decorated it, but I also don't want it to be another page out of the Raymour and Flanigan catalog.

Balls.

Later days,
CGL

On the Feminization of Cursewords

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Cv2INuu9eo

The above clip was blatantly stolen from Librarian in Black who got it from the Lipstick Librarian. It's a beautiful chain of social networking.

Today I want to talk to y'all about something near and dear to my heart: cursing.

I'm a proliferate curser. I have been as far back as I can remember and I do not apologize for it. Sometimes only a good fuck or shit will do or maybe, something more creative.

Then there are balls. As in "I wish I had the balls". I'm not a femnazi or anything, but it has finally occurred to me that that's bullshit. I know plenty of women that are 'ballsier' then men, but do not have said appendage. Why do men get all the credit and when a women is being assertive it is because she is being manly?

I cry foul. I have been known occasionally to say "She's got great ovaries for doing that." But let's face it, it doesn't quite roll off the tongue the same way. I could be an uberdork and use something gender neutral like 'She's got such great spunk', but that makes me sound a hundred and fifty years old. I'm not really a spunk person unless it's referring to the male bodily fluid.

So what's the answer? No, seriously. I want you tell me. What can I use to express someone's awesome arrogance or chutzpah? And yes, I know chutzpah works, but the Yiddish, she has to stop somewhere before she eats my brain.

I'm looking at y'all. What's our other option?

Cupping my balls in anticipation,
Your fucking CGL

And now I am 24

Having attained another year on this mudball, I must say that I have found it good. Twenty-three was a weird year. I spent most of it in a job I hated, living in my parents house and driving a car that is slowly falling to pieces.

Yet, toward the close, I changed jobs, saved enough money to start seriously considering apartment and a newer car and I spent another year with Nox. How can that be so bad?

He masterminded a great birthday and my friends were incredible in seeing it through. I love all y'all. Even if you did get me drunk and wavery.

My goals for 24?

1. Move out. This is practical and harder then it sounds because it's really comfortable living at home in a lot of ways. I know that if I move out, there will a certain amount of loneliness involved. My parents drive me crazy, but at least they're there. I'm a fairly solitary person, but I'm already alone most of the day at my job.

2. Make a plan about further education. Should I get any? And if so where? And this time, it has to be a bit more lucrative. I love my job, but I'm making spit and peanuts.

3. Publish something or at least try to get something published. This has been my birthday goal every year since I was 13 and writing a novel about silver hailed elves with purple eyes. This year I'm actually doing something about it, taking a creative writing workshop that will hopefully hone my skillz.

4. Remember that I am blessed. Tough, but damn I am.

Rock on,
CGL

All the good ones get it

It's been a long time since we've lost someone famous and young. The last one I can think about that I gave two shits about was Kurt Cobain.

Today, Heath Ledger was found dead. Thanks to Law to letting me know though I'm now quite saddened. He was a truly gifted actor, really standing out from the new generation. He was a throwback to tough guys like Clint Eastwood with the modern twist of bravery that guided him to films like Brokeback Mountain and most recently, I'm Not There.

He was slated to appear as the Joker in this summer's sequel to Batman Begins and knowing Hollywood, it will probably be released with him in it. The film is already in post production and now will carry it's eerie stigma.

The implication is already that Ledger committed suicide with sleeping pills. I cannot imagine what a blow this will be to his family.

I don't feel qualified to mourn him, really. I only know him from pictures and movies, but he was going to be the first great actor of my generation. Maybe he's hanging out with James Dean.

Hope you weren't waiting up..

I did watch the PR. It came, it went, I was sad that Ms.Pistol left. Rami should be shot and I forgive Christian for being a bitch for one week only because he's carrying Chris on his bony shoulders like a trooper.

That's all I gotta say about that.

-CGL

D'oh

So my work study? Who I assumed was younger then me and therefore was being all sage advice and other moronic stuff? Is my age. I just overheard her say her birthday and it's only three months later them mine. Me=insufferable moron.

My Vote Should Count.

Not in the presidential election which at this point is such a three ring circus that I long for the simple days of the Little Wooden Boy (John Kerry). Alas, we have to democratic candidates that will ultimately live or die by the color of their skin or the questionable contents of their genitalia. Is anyone going to vote on actually principles? I found myself in a conversation with my father about Hillary's crying and all the hulabaloo it caused and I realized...it's glitter and ridiculousness and really, we all know Oprah runs the country so let's just give it to her. She's black AND a woman and probably more competent.

So no, where my vote should count is on Project Runway, goddamnit because Christian survives again. Look, I'm all for tiny twinks with flippy hair, didn't cheer Daniel through Season Two? But the 'tude is racking across my last nerve and the way he blamed his model on the runway? Deeply gross and unprofessional. Chris was marvelous per usual. I know Law is rooting for Sweet Pea to go down in smoke, but I still find her kind of charming.

Remember, Vote Oprah. She might give you a minivan.

-CGL

So it's 2008 and we still don't have any flying cars.

Bastards.

I had a good new years, did you? Really? Fascinating.

Everyone can give Law and Guitar Hero a big pat on the backs as they are now engaged to be married which is awesome. Geo is not engaged, but was hungover.

Life is sometimes unfair that way.

I have little to say about the latest Project Runway. I thought the editing of Eliza telling her horrifying tale about nearly dying into show she was kicked off in was a bit crass. I would not have called her Spitmark if I knew her brains were once splattered on the sidewalks of London. Very unfair, me thinks. Who won? I missed that bit. I liked Chris' dress and I was glad that it justified him staying.

The sunlight temporarlily turned everything outside very buttery and golden. I like my new job for it is light filled. Yay sun! Everyone should have some.

Happy New Year (though it's been 5768 for like four months. Jews rock it old school. Today is the 26th of Tevet if you're interested)

-CGL