Tough Choices and Tough Love
Well the job offer came in. They aren't going to match my salary. The difference isn't much and it'll probably make itself up between cheaper insurance and not having to pay tolls (commute is in the oppisote direction). I think I'll accept it.
I thought I would be happier. But thanks in part to my own baggage and the pleasentries of my parents, I'm just tired and sad today.
I love my parents and when we spoke last night, I know they spoke out of love for me.
But telling me that this career is never going to support me and that if I have a family what am I going to do? And we didn't pay all this money for your education for you to pay beans...
It made me feel like shit. This is not the first time that my parents have done this to me and it probably won't be the last. Money is a huge priority for them (read mostly my mother, but dad too).
I respect them a lot. I love that they provided me so much for my education, but last night they made me feel like I had failed.
....
Real time posting.
I just met one on one with a patron. I knew was coming and forced myself to suck up all my overbrewed emotion. He was lovely, very sweet and ambitious and we talked about some of his options for attaining his goals.
It made me remember that goals are not something we meet all at once. My parents don't realistically think that I will be a millionaire. They want me to be safe and happy. They know our economy is tanking and what that can mean for people making less then steller salaries.
But I think I am starting to become enough a grown up to know what's right for me. I live under my parents roof which can make it difficult for me to see myself as an adult. Even when I'm on my own I still feel immature. It doesn't help that people frequently comment about how young 23 is and that I have so much time to make decisions.
I'm not playing in a sandbox dreaming any more, but I'm not preganant, married and with a mortgage either.
I'm going to take this new job and do it with a balls to the walls attitude. In the meantime, to appease the part of me that feels like I need to do more, I think once I've settled in, I will commit to an online program.
To be honest, it isn't just my parents who are disappointed in my earning capacity. I want to make the kind of salary that makes buying a reasonably sized home not impossible dream. That may mean leaving librarnship behind completely or moderating what kind of work I do.
What I do know is that I am way to young to have all the answers. I'm still ignorant as pig shit about a lot of things.
Anyway, it's a cop out to blame my parents about my mixed emotions. A decrease in salary is fucking depressing. But VSL and I are just not compatible. I've gained weight and an irritable attitude here. A lot of people thrive here, but then again, they aren't shoved in the basement.
Does any of this make sense? I know you guys are out there, I can see you as red dots on my statcounter hits.
Catch you on the flipside,
CGL
3 comments:
I think it makes a lot of sense. You should take the new job because you will be happier there. And honestly, happiness is a hell of a lot more important than how much money you get paid.
With love to your parents, they are being ridiculous. What was their starting salaries? Did they magically have money once they were done with their education? No. You have to work for a while and build up wealth. And personally it bothers me that they threw in your face that they paid for your education so you should be making more money. They should be happy that you have a job in the field you got your education in. Especially since they pushed you to go to Library school.
Ok I'm done now. I luv you!
Geo
I can't comment personally on the parent front, only as a bystander as it's been done to the fiance, and I'm sorry you're going through it. I will say that in his case, going with his passion and the decisions that have come from it have ultimately been rewarding. It's not the same for anyone, but my few cents is to go with what you love. It doesn't mean you'll be destitute, nor does it mean you wasted anything. You deserve to be happy. I say so, and therefore it must be the case. /special logic.
I love you both! I talked to my dad last night and as usual we talked about it until it was my mother's fault and everyone felt better about the whole thing.
Huggles!
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