Psychic, n. - An individual having an uncanny, seemingly supernatural, talent for extracting money from morons.

-Charles Bufe (The American Heretic's Dictionary, 1992)

I read tarot. I don’t think I’m psychic or anything like that. I actually have very little interest in astrology and palm reading. My aunt taught me when I was thirteen with an incredibly creepy, but common deck called Witches’ Tarot. At thirteen I was very impressionable, very unpopular and pretty good at saving my allowance. I bought a starter’s pack and my career as a cafeteria psychic began. If you’re even somewhat decent at reading people, tarot is a great way to meet people. It was my antisocial antidote.

I changed decks a few times through the years and finally settled on the very well illustrated Dragon Tarot. I have been given an accuracy rating of about eighty percent when I ask the people I’ve read, but I chalk a lot of that up to using generalities, having very gracious friends and not charging for my readings.

Creepy things that have happened:

One summer I read a friend (call him X) and it all pointed very strongly to him being in denial about something, something huge. I never really thought about it until two year’s later when another friend of mine ran into X at a gay club. It came out in conversation that it was during this reading that X realized he was gay. I’m not sure if this makes me a good tarot card reader or just proves once again that I am like onto a magnet for the gay men.

I read a stranger’s cards and told her that a good male friend about a year older then her had died about six months ago ( I have not been that specific about an event ever) and I was dead on. Scared the piss out of me.

My advice on going to a psychic:

Don’t, if you’re going to take it seriously. Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecies? Going to a psychic with an intent to take them at their word will just help to prove them right.

If you aren’t going to take it seriously, don’t pay more then ten or fifteen dollars. The cheaper the psychic, the funnier the experience will probably be.

But don’t mock them to their faces, they never see it coming and it makes them pout.

Catch you on the flipside,

Chic Geek Librarian